Does a Custody Evaluation, wherein, inter alia, he ponders what a 13-year-old girl is doing in the bathroom for an hour, watches an 11-year-old brush her teeth, admires the idea of a father's tickling and wrestling a pre-pubescent female to the floor, pontificates on the relationship between eating salad, diabetes, and girls' body shapes, admires the culinary competence required to cook Spaghetti, and generally demonstrates his ignorance of child development and age-appropriate parenting. The father who hired him paid $20,000 for this remarkable piece of crap.
Below is an excerpted custody evaluation report (observation of father and children only) by Warren Farrell, Ph.D. (a childless man with a Ph.D. in political science, who is completely lacking in the credentials necessary even to give a lay witness opinion on what is in any particular child's best interests). He charged a litigating allegedly abusive father $20,000 for it -- which in itself would be as funny as the idiotic blathering in his "report", if the money to pay for this rip-off had not come from the community pot.
The evaluatees' names have been changed to "Father", "Mother", "Daughter-age-13" and "Daughter-age-11".
Farrell's words are in blue. Links to additional information were not, of course, in the original.
Parent Observation of [ -------- ]
by Warren Farrell, Ph.D.
Hours Observed: 11
Mon., July 13, 2009; 5:15 pm-11 pm
Tue., July 14, 2009; 10:15 am-3:30 pm
"...
How does what dads do lead to what benefits children? Say Father and Daughter-age-11 are rough-housing, and Father has Daughter-age-11 playfully "pinned down". If Daughter-age-11 had no experience, she would tend to do anything to "win". She might bite, kick in the groin, pull hair, poke in the eye, punch in the nose. So Father would be likely to create consequences to which he would have Daughter-age-11 agree if she wanted him to continue playing. If Daughter-age-11 forgets, dad says, "okay, end of playing for today..." He exacted the agreed-upon consequences...
"What just happened that encourages empathy? By rewarding Daughter-age-11 with play only if Daughter-age-11 paid attention to her dad's needs, dad was also making it in Daughter-age-11's self-interest to pay attention to someone else's needs. The dad has made empathy in Daughter-age-11's self-interest. Of course, none of this process even begins if the children aren't bonded to the dad to begin with via the fun of playing and rough-housing/tickling.
"What Happens When a Shared Parenting Arrangement is in Jeopardy? ...Most in jeopardy is the dad's more-likely contribution of willingness to enforce the boundaries that need to be enforced for the child to have the incentive to finish the veggies or responsibilities. The moment the parenting arrangement is in jeopardy, the dad experiences a Catch-22: if he acts like a dad, he can no longer make his contribution as a dad (the children may want to go with mom where boundaries may be less-well-enforecd); if he is afraid to act like a dad, he also no longer makes his contribution. This is why, if shared parenting is not stable, and the boundaries of equal time are not firm, in effect the dad "dies"... the essence of dad is in jeopardy.
"Methodology. With my concurrence, Father introduced me as a friend he had known for years via my various books, and with whom he had been in email contact. Prior to my meeting Daughter-age-13 and Daughter-age-11, he explained that as a writer I often took notes on everything I observed in life.
"I concurred with this introduction because if children know a parent is being observed, it gives the child leverage over the parent, thus reducing the parent's ability to be effective, and therefore reducing the value of the observation... I told Father that I wanted to observe him doing only things that were typical of his time with the children.
"I requested the opportunity to observe Father put Daughter-age-13 and Daughter-age-11 to bed at night, since I wanted to see how he handled the transition from their being active to getting them ready for bed. I also requested to observe him with them at breakfast in the morning, since children are sometimes grouchy when they first get up prior to breakfast...
"Father picked me up at the airport on... Father was driving a ... Both of his daughters, Daughter-age-13 and Daughter-age-11, were safely belted in the back seat. Both were immersed in the Jonas Brothers, courtesy of their jointly-shared I Pod. However, for Daughter-age-13, the Jonas Brothers could only command the attention of her ears; her eyes were consuming the novel The Truth about Forever with a delight most 13-year-olds reserve for ice cream...
"Father mentioned that Daughter-age-13 read a book a day. He said this with pride in his voice...
"Father had anticipated the girls being hungry by the time we got to actually have dinner -- anticipating the potential for my flight or baggage being somewhat late, plus the close to an hour drive from airport to home, followed by time for dinner preparation. He prepared for this by having pretzels for snacking.
"On the way back to the apartment, Father said he was going to stop by Walgreens to pick up some Silly String -- a spray can that shoots out a gelatinous-like string that he said was used by him and the girls to play aa type of "shooting war" or "tag" with each other. Daughter-age-11 said they already had some Silly String at home. Father teased "I feel a war coming on." The girls seemed energized...
"...Walgreen's... She asked him to hold out his hand, into which she put an ugly rubber spider. Father opened his eyes, looked at it, and feigned being horrified. Daughter-age-11 was delighted. Spider in hand, Father mock-chased Daughter-age-11 an aisle or two in Walgreen's...
"As we arrived at Father's home, we entered a gated community in a park-like setting that camouflaged a much more mundane apartment complex. It was a stark contrast to the... community of elegant, mansion-type homes... similar to the one he was still paying for and Mother was still living in...
"As we arrived at the apartment, everyone quickly fell into role: Father started preparing dinner in the kitchen; the girls watched the Disney channel on TV (Wizards of Waverly Place and Hannah Montana). Father made Spaghetti, meat sauce, and garlic bread, and cut some fresh fruit (raspberries, pineapple and pears)...
"Father's competence in the kitchen was clear... he shared that during his marriage to Mother, although she was largely a stay-at-home mom for the first 12 years (of 14), that she gradually did less and less, to the point where, from his perspective, he felt he did most of the cooking, cleaning, ironing, and grocery shopping...
"As Father shared this last point with me, he made sure the children could not overhear him...
"Daughter-age-11 lifted her large, soft brown-and-white guinea pig, Alex, from its cage, brought it into the kitchen to me and Father, and showed me how cute and adorable it was. Her body language indicated an inclusiveness of Father...
"Father, Daughter-age-13, and Daughter-age-11 all added little comments... Father's comments did not dominate, were not preachy in tone, and did not take the focus away from the girls. (These are three behaviors some parents -- more often dads -- demonstrate in an effort to teach their children.)...
"Daughter-age-11 looked unsettled... Father did not say anything for about a half minute, as if to wait for Daughter-age-11 to come up with her own solution. When Daughter-age-11 remained like a deer in headlights, Father offered choices: eat what she has as is, and he would add some additional in whatever blend she would like; or trash her current combo, and replace it with what she had originally wanted: half spaghetti with soy sauce; and half with meat-and-marinara sauce. Obviously, since the second choice required no compromise on Daughter-age-11's part, that was what she chose...
"Daughter-age-13 went into the bathroom, shut the door, and spent at least an hour on the phone with her mom. Father adjusted quickly, allowing it to be an opportunity to focus on the complex model airplane Daughter-age-11 had created from Legos based on a prototype from the Star Wars movie series...
"As Daughter-age-11 was finishing her "concert" and Daughter-age-13 was emerging from the bathroom, I mentioned that it was interesting that Daughter-age-11's gifts were so acute in math, Legos and music -- that it appeared to be evidence of Daughter-age-11's picking up Father's genetic propensity for engineering, and that a gift in math and music often came in the same package.
"Rather than take the credit himself, Father responded within earshot of both girls that Mother was also good at music...
"...Jenga... learning value is the development of hand-eye-motor coordination, balance, precision, focus and patience. Since Daughter-age-11 is prone to move around a lot, this game is doubtless of exceptional value to her...
"...Daughter-age-13 was texting and watching for responses. As a result, she often had to be told when it was her turn. She was focused on her turn, but not focused on the game...
"...Father asked if the girls would like to play Monopoly... both wanted the marker that was in the form of a female symbol... neither seemed interested in joint custody...
"Daughter-age-11's brushing of her teeth did require some of Father's repetition method, but two was enough...
"After her meds, Daughter-age-11 read aloud a few pages of Harry Potter to Father. She asked Father for help and explanations of words with considerable respect in her voice. Father's definitions were brief and basic...
"I arranged with Father to return to see him with the girls prior to breakfast, right after the girls awoke. The girls awoke at 9:30 a.m. and I arrived at 10 a.m. to find them watching the Disney channel cartoons.
"Father prepared a breakfast of strawberries, raspberries, pears, pineapple, bacon and store-bought muffins with juice for the girls, and tea for Father and me...
"With the normal preparation time, the family got themselves ready for their sojourn to the Battle of the Bayou at... Park. Father took care to meticulously spray both Daughter-age-13 and Daughter-age-11 with mosquito repellant before going into battle. Each person was armed with two cans of Silly String...
"Father had made a deal with Daughter-age-13 that he would take her to the library to pick up more books as long as she went to the Bayou for a walk. (Daughter-age-13 had been gaining more weight than she desired, and Father was trying to support her to support herself.)... but... she reported she had a mild headace... Father agreed to let her be at the apartment while he and Daughter-age-11 went for a walk...
"During our Bayou walk, as Daughter-age-11 was exploring ahead of us, Father explained that the headache was the result of a soccer injury that Daughter-age-13 had received on Father's watch about which he and Mother had gotten into a big dispute: Father took Daughter-age-13 ato a pediatrician who diagnosed it as a migraine headache. Mother took Daughter-age-13 to the Children's Hospital ER, where that doctor diagnosed a concussion. The primary care pediatrician said the dispute was not crucial since the care was the same...
"Father's leadership pattern with Daughter-age-11 was to always keep her within sight, but let her go ahead of him so she had the sense of being the pioneer and making a decision about when to call upon his input. Father always gave her a little space to make those decisions, but called her back if he felt she was going down a path with too many thorns, so to speak.
"We regrouped and went to the library...
"After the library, Father took the girls to lunch at Fuddruckers... There was very little discussion over lunch...
"From there Father took the girls with him as he drove me to the airport to complete the observation. There was some construction that created a bit of a delay. Virtually no conversation took place between Father and the girls during the close to an hour ride...
"The girls seemd extremely comfortable integrating me into their lives during the eleven hours over the two days. I asked Father about whether they had expressed any discomfort privately, perhaps after I left. He said they had not, that they typically met many new people and friends at church, in the grocery store, and among the neighbors...
"Observation. The girls made a quick transition from Monopoly to ending Monopoly to prepare for bed; tointegrating me into their life; to going to the airport without grouchiness.
"Implication of Observation. The girls seem to be more at-ease with transitions than most. This bodes well for the girls being with both parents equally and the transitions inherent in that."
"Strengths as a Dad. Father almost never interrupted either of his children during the elevent hours I observed him. He gives them plenty of room to entertain themselves... This tends to increase social skills... Father's age, life experience and engineer-type eprsonality leads him to be less ego-involved and have a less-anxious perspective than many firs-and-second-time parents who are younger..."
"The habit of healthy eating can minimize the propensity for a child having early-onset-diabetes, and maximizes the likelihood of establishing positive body chemistry, cell development, brain development, and self-esteem from being at a weight the child has the habit patterns to control. Particularly if a girl becomes overweight, the low self-esteem and self-criticism generated in a society worshiping quasi-anorexic girls can also lead to her overcompensating and becoming anorexic -- creating a different set of problems.
"An area of possible improvement, then, is Father being certain that the girls get plenty of salads and vegetables.. less dinner Spaghetti and garlic bread without equal amounts of salads and veggies...
"Father almost never interrupted either of his children during the eleven hours I observed him. He gives them plenty of room to entertain themselves... This tends to increase social skills... Father's age, life experience and engineer-type personality leads him to be less ego-involved and have a less-anxious perspective than many first-and-second-time parents who are younger..."
"Four Core Recommendations Supported by Research and Observation.
"1. Daughter-age-13 and Daughter-age-11 have equal time with both parents... need for checks and balances... should be decided by what works best for father and Mother based on their schedules, the schools' schedules, distances, and the children's needs...
"2. Father and Mother live close enought to each other that the children are not forced to choose between being with friends versus a parent, or an activity versus a parent...
"3. Both parents refrain from negative words, texting or body language in regard to the other parent...
"4. If one parent is considerably more likely to undermine one of the three above conditions, that the children live primarily with the other parent..."
Warren Farrell, Ph.D.
_____________________
August 1, 2009
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